(This post is a little heavy … I know my posts usually have a little humour in them, but I’m starting to find this process of journaling very theriputic and I really appreciate having this sounding board … thanks for your comments)
As our time together is coming to and end soon, I’ve been meditating on what is the biggest lessons I’ve learned from the Master Keys.
If I’m being “honest” with myself (The irony will make senesce later) it’s that I haven’t always been honest with myself. You see, I have enjoyed a modicom of success in my life … I have been to self help deals before … paid thousands of dollars to see “gurus” talk, been on weekend educational retreats, I own close to 100 books on the subject of improving myself, (frankly NONE of them come close to the information we have received for the last 6 months.) After all this time in reflection I can openly admit … I lie to myself constantly.
Let’s pause for a moment and talk about Honesty
What is honesty?
Honesty is the process of seeing, accepting and expressing our authentic, true self.
And this all starts with being honest with ourselves. Nothing is more important. All too often, we fall into the trap of deceiving ourselves by trying to justify our behaviour.
The real enemy behind being dishonest is fear. Until we face our fears, our rationalization for being dishonest sticks around. It’s a slippery slope. We loose our integrity. We begin to lie, we begin to rationalize, we begin to deceive others, and we begin to act on the impulses of envy, greed and manipulation.
We may think we are getting away with it because we are not getting caught in the act by others, but we are getting caught every single time by ourselves. And we experience the internal consequences every time. Our own minds know when we are not acting with integrity.
And the turmoil of not living in alignment with our true authentic self ensures that we can not have inner peace.
All dishonesty is a form of self sabotage in the long run. By not building our lives around a skeleton of integrity, we cut our self off from who we really are and the result is that our true spirit fades away. We loose our self.
If we desire to live a life which we enjoy, if we desire to live the life that we intended to live by coming here in the first place, we need to learn how to express who it is that we truly are in every single moment.
We must first lie to our selves before we can lie to others, because of this we need to be brave enough to ask ourselves what we are so afraid will happen if we are 100% honest with ourselves and others.
Honesty never feels bad. What feels bad are the conclusions we draw about (and judgments we cast on) our honesty.
Those of us who are aware that our minds create our reality, often find ourselves at an impasse when it comes to honesty. On one hand it is true that whatever you focus on…you get more of and that if you want to live a different life, you have to tell a different story relative to your life.
I’ve realized that I have lied to myself almost everyday. I’ve ignored my true bliss for most of my life. When I have allowed myself to think about it I quickly pushed it out of my mind and would lie to myself again “that is impossible, stop day dreaming about a fantasy that will never happen” I convinced myself that I needed to be a good provider, that I can always make up for the time away from family tommorow. I told myself that my purpose was to make a better life for my kids … all the while being miserable. I was afraid of telling myself the truth, that I’m allowed to be happy, that I can be the best provider ever but if I’m not leading by example, by living a life of purpose …them I’m really doing them a disservice.
I’ve also told myself that I always gave my best effort, when the truth is because my heart was not fully invested in my endeavours … I fake it. I’ve managed to get by on a little charm , and a great ability to cram. I lied to myself that “l’ll do the best I can” but never doing my best. Tomorrow has always been the saving grace.
Well, time to face the music … no more lie’s, I will never tell myself a lie again.
I was created on purpose, and for a purpose.
I am natures GREATEST miracle DAM IT!! And I NEED to live each day as if it my last.
That is the greatest gift I can give myself and my kids.